haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
