Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
