...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
