Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
