He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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