I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
