Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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