i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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