Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
