Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
