come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
