11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
