When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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