Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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