Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
