Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
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Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
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Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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