matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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