my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
