We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Randomize
