I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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