i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
