By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I think I died a long time ago.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
