on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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