once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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