The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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