thus making me awesome and them whores
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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