Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize