My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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