apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
