Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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