So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize