Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
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he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
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I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
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