FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
