Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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