I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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