Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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