alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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