I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
