I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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