I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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