Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
