Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
