can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
