you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize