I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
