I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
