So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
