shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
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Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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