You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
