After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
