Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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