alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
