cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
