Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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