your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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