TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
