The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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