if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
