Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
