no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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