a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
