DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
