just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
