will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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