his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
