final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
