She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
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I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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