just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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