could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
