i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
