In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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