Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just cut my nipple shaving
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
