You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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