Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize