We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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