i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
