is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Someone signed my nipple.
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