Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
