I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
