I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
