respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
