She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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