I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Randomize
