she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
