oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
